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January 27, 2006 OK guys. When you ask your wife how much she weighs, and she answers, “I don’t want to talk about it,” don’t pursue it. Somehow, someone I thought I knew forgot this little bit of common sense. He could have purchased the contents of a whole cooler at the florists and still not got out of the hole he dug for himself. This tragic story does have a happy ending. His wife is talking to him – without even clenching her teeth. He even learned something too after tracking down a key to the locks that had been changed on the exterior doors. (yes, of course I’m exaggerating!!) But it is true that a married friend who is a pastor, on hearing this story, dropped his mouth and asked, “You did what?” It’s not at all about knowing what topics are taboo within a relationship. It’s about who is the center of attention when we’re in conversation. In this case, the guy I thought I knew got into trouble because his agenda was paramount to the exclusion of his spouse. If he could have just asked himself, “What is important to my wife?” and “How can I support that?” His frustrations would have been alleviated and her offence averted. Marriages, friendships, working relationships, parenting conflicts, Sabbath School classes – all could benefit from us being more interested in hearing than in being heard. We could see transformations when we put as much effort into understanding as we do into being understood. This seems like such a simple principle. So let’s practice it. Try it tomorrow at church. “Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality.” Romans 12:10-13
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